it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
