my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
