I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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