I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
