im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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