When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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