the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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