Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
