You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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