Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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