WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
