Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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