I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
