listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
