I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
