I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
