google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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