The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
