well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
