Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I supernannyed him into submission
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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