i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
