it was like eating out sand paper
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
