my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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