Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
