the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
