god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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