Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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