There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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