so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
