fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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