This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
