Duck Duck Cougar?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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