dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
