saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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