Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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