I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
