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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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