I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
