I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My balls are so social today.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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