I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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