Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
