My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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