remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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