May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
