I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.