i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.