Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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