Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

Fav 10 1515 940
share tweet
(858): View more from California

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

Fav 19 3632 1109
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(985): View more from Louisiana

i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.

Fav 54 3246 878
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

Fav 27 1485 4341
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.

Fav 14 5513 1356
share tweet
(636): View more from Missouri

Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.

Fav 6 2622 1643
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.

Fav 9 2007 966
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(508): View more from Massachusetts

So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions

Fav 1 480 620
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

(Underoos optional)

Fav 0 268 160
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT