every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
