Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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