he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.