Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
