I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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