good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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