I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
