My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
