god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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