1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
