he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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