I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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