I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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