just tell him i said nine months
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
