I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
