and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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