dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
