i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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