Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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