WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
