I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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