It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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